What's That on the Radio?
2001-2003
One hears some of the strangest things on the radio down here. It helps to listen with only half an ear so that one does not get the thread of the broadcast. If one listened to all of it, one might understand it and then it wouldn't seem so strange. Here are a few examples, all fragments pulled out of context to be sure, but just imagine how bizarre the context must have been.
1. One morning, I'm sitting there typing on this computer, listening with one ear to the radio, when I heard something that got my attention. Early in the morning this is hard to do, believe me. There was a long musical ad that somehow seemed inappropriate, even in Bubbaland, an ad for an indoor shooting range. I am not making this up.
This is a long ad. It started and ended with a theme song:
"Red's Indoor Range,
Gateway to the Hill Country"
where presumably you can shoot something out of doors.
A jingle in the middle:
"Shoot to try
Before you buy"
A testimonial in a woman's voice: "I always wanted to own a gun, and Red's gave me the opportunity. . . ."
Followed by more unforgettable lyrics, which I forget.
2. Strange lyrics on the radio in an almost foreign language:
"Yippee ti yi yay
Parlez vous Francais?
Yippee ti yi yo
Will you fix my Peugeot?"
3. A lament for those lost in an even stranger state:
"You can't get there from here in New Jersey.
You're always on the wrong side of the road.
You can't get there from here in New Jersey.
I've got a case of jug-handle turnout overload."
4. And finally an optimistic lyric:
"There'll be plenty of drugs and sex in heaven
When our pheromones get turned up to eleven."
You can't get much stranger than these, stranger.
